Lately, I’ve been saying that I feel old. haha, but tonight I feel quite different… and I’m okay with that. I feel like I have so much left that I want to do. And maybe by old I mean that I feel like I’m just running out of time. I’ve been inspired again to do some more traveling. I adored my trip to Germany, and I want to see what else is out there. There is a whole world out there that we just act like we know something about. But something about this new feeling of youth also makes me feel kind of lost.

I’ve got my shit together, I’ve got a decent job, I’m just renting my first apartment, etc. but I don’t know what’s next. I want to save up and travel, but I want to travel with friends and people I care about… because it’s next to impossible to do by yourself.
And I think the idea of settling down doesn’t scare me as much as it use to… but when? When in all of my life do I have that kind of time? How do you stay adventurous and get things that you want to do done while also trying to fit with another person? I want to have it all. I want to have that person that will be a homebody with me on the days I just want to sit around, and I want that person to want to see and experience other great things and do it with me. Everything takes time, everything takes money. It’s hard. I need to start taking advantage of my time on this earth, because these 21 years have flown by and this shit is short. 

Sometimes I worry that I’ll just be sitting in my apartment with no one around. And don’t get me wrong, I want my own place, but I’ll miss these streets and this fam. It’ll be really different. I hope I can have it all - People, love, places, and time… 

I’ve done lots of things this past couple weeks that are new to me. And I think I’m kind of getting back in the dating game… but that kinda scares me too. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to make it all work together - how to balance. I like it though. I suppose if I just go with the flow and keep my head up and my heart strong, that’s all we can do. Maybe I’m just scared of the dating game, scared that someone will make me happy and then leave. I feel happy today…

But maybe I can have it all.