I feel a little off today, in a fine mood, but very thoughtful. Maybe it’s yesterday’s lingering headache, or watching these award shows on television and seeing these successful people, or just how I am. I wonder what life has in store for me in the next couple years. My 25th birthday isn’t for another 6 months but I already feel the doom that comes with turning a quarter of a century old. I feel so alive right now, I want to always feel that, I’m so scared of getting older. I’ve never been very good at living in the present. I’m trying to take that on more; be carefree and happy in the moments instead of worrying about the future. I feel incredibly lucky and happy right now in my life… blessed even. I have such a good support group - a best friend who is full of energy and life, a young spirt who still gets as excited as a child new to everything in the world, the best boyfriend, a real gentleman, creative and caring, and supportive, and a family who is there for me and makes me know the true meaning of the word home. But with all of this happiness comes great challenge, pressure to keep peoples’ interest and to be the best I can be (as corny as that sounds). I feel behind now, I’m not sure where to go from here. I feel like everyone has a plan and I’m kind of floating. All of my friends wil be done with school this year and on to big beautiful places… many of them New York to start - the hub of all opportunity. I’m so proud of them, I could cry… all my babies leaving the nest. I hope I can be a part of it. I live for love, I live for friends and others. But there is a part of me that wishes I would have spent more time on myself, it’s that whole balancing thing, I’ve always put others before myself and played that supporting actress or backup singer, and now I’m not sure what I’ll become… what I’ll have if they all go. I’m not sure that I’m meant for greatness, meant to win an Emmy or meet Jimmy Fallon and The Roots, or be an editoral food photographer, or documenting photographer who travels the world, a storytelling singer, a baker with a food truck, etc. I need to take more risks. I need to be willing to put in the work to make things happen for myself. I need to not fear just being me. I think my next step is to get out of this job I’m in, I think I’ll feel refreshed again when I get out of my desk job and into something more freeing, more me. I’m getting there. I believe opportunities are given to people who are kind, and that good things happen to good people, just have to keep pushing. Maybe my path doesn’t have to be like everyone elses, I’ve met beautiful people without going to school, and opened doors for myself. And in the words of Drake ”you don’t have to prove shit to no one except yourself”. I don’t need greatness, just love, that’s all anyone needs. Tomorrow I’m meeting with another photographer to collaberate on a project, maybe it will lead to more, and bigger things. You never know. One thing I do know is that I’m not settling. I’m going to love 100%, keep being me 100%, and keep supporting my babes 100%. One of us will make it. I look forward to what is to come for everyone, and me. I feel good about it. Life is scary, change is scary, I just have to chill, sometimes you just need a pat on the back and for someone to say “baby, it’s okay, you got this”. I’m just trying to love and support, that’s all people really want… and maybe a little money, because that helps… and donuts. Lol.
That is all. Goodnight
Part of my Born from the Sea series. Super proud of these!
Shay - Film
#film #pentax #kodak #portrait
Met this sweet gentleman at Urban Bean, a local coffee shop in Minneapolis. He was very professional and good at his job, customer service & communication seemed to come easy for him. It was a good day and nice to meet a new face.
Max - Film
#film #pentax #kodak #portrait